It was in an ordinary school hour. I was walking from my desk up to deliver something at the teacher’s desk, in my 6th grade class room, when I just out of nowhere had this brief moment of realization. It passed as quickly as it came, but it was a moment of truth where I had a sense that I and me were the only ones who knew about it, and we agreed that we sensed something, felt something, deep down inside, that no one around the us seemed to feel. It felt like a deep knowing. Not that I knew something others didn’t, but more like something they didn’t remember.
It was this pure knowing of something true. That I was playing. That this life and our roles on some level was not real.
And just as easily as I realized it, I continued walking, doing my thing, in the play, but with a slightly different experience of myself in it.
Falling deeper asleep
This was only one of many drops of remembering in my childhood days, however, as I grew deeper and deeper into the play, into my humanness, at some point I think I forgot altogether. Because it felt so real. It was such a perfect plot. To agree to forget, just so I could play my part exactly as I had planned. It’s like when you know the “end”, though I believe this grand play is infinitely evolving, but, let’s just call it “when you push the stop button” in this particular movie, and you’re supposed to rewind to see what had to happen for the end to unfold exactly like this. Then it all seems so easy, and you almost feel humble and in total aw of the perfection.
But the perfection also holds some excruciating pain and suffering, seen and felt from a human point of view, who in all fairness is the one who has to experience it, even if it originally was a self made choice. The bad can feel so so painful, as much as the exquisite, can feel oh so delightful. The human experience is so vast…yet so limited. And that’s the beauty of it, the sometimes ugly beauty. That the feelings must feel real, for a while, for the purpose of the experience to unfold.
And when you think of it, what IS real? When we come to a completion of this particular movie, we only find ourselves going gracefully on to the next! The only difference, which is the big difference this time, is that in this movie, you will know. You will eventually remember that your soul is on a journey. You will know that your soul is infinite and that it has played in infinite numbers of movies, in infinite different roles and types of realities. It was just in this specific one, on this very unique level of unconsciousness, that you had to crack the code, where you had to master the experience blindfolded. That was the name of the game. That was the rules. To forget and to use free will. No map, not knowing where you came from, not knowing where you’re going, not knowing why you’re here. You could only be given new information and activate innate knowledge when you hit a certain vibration within, which allowed you to receive and integrate it.
The soft and subtle voice
But there would be help along the way. Subtle help. Breadcrumbs and signs, a game of hide and seek, a gentle continuous breeze of support to keep the flame deep inside alive.
So confusing…so intricate. This soft, pale, hardly visible flame inside, whispering to you words of something else, of a different way, of something you used to know. Of something that calls out to you, that touches your heart, often without you having any clear understanding of it.
Why was I drawn to geometrical patterns in pictures, on fabrics, to crystals and jewelry, to books, films and music with sounds, lyrics or content that was not mainstream for my age and environment, to mysticism and key and codes? They awakened my memory. Not a mental memory, but a soul experience stored in my Akashic records, my library. These were codes imprinted in my DNA to help me wake up from my dream, when the time was right.
Life behind the veils of amnesia
Because it was a dream, a beautiful mix of fascination and struggle. A polarity game, where the EGO construct, the me, the one I identified with, played with brilliant reviews in what the EGO does best. It plays in the black and white duality game, in lack, in self-sabotage, victimhood and martyrdom, in manipulation games, in creating plots of fear and control, in competition and separation, in ignorance, distraction and resistance, in indulgence, in desire, in self-service. All limiting of the true potential originally present when we incarnated, but still a part of the waking up game, as separating oneself further and further from away from our true ancient heritage of unity and oneness will create great dissonance throughout the being experiencing it. Feeling isolated and alone, while physically together, unhappy and sad, while materialistically abundant, eventually brings about the overwhelming moment of revelation.
When I think about it now, I feel this expansive compassion in my heart. For the ignorance and struggle, for the constant chaos, chase and confusion that the human finds itself in. It’s like being in a labyrinth with people yelling to you with urges from all sides and you’re pacing around in all directions, with no real purpose of your own, not even aware that you’re searching for an exit. Your higher self is watching you from above all this time. Just waiting for you to stop. To stand still. To breathe. And listen. To align vertically, not trying to do it horizontally. It wants to come down, it wants to guide you, to help you find your way out. But not without your permission. You have to ask. That’s the rule. Free will…
Some of this I was a part of. But a lot of it I was observing, a little bit from a distance, sometimes in the middle, but always bewildered, because I didn’t understand what I was supposed to understand or do, people’s reactions, feeling misunderstood, being accused for having agendas when I didn’t. Never feeling that I was playing in my home field, in a game I knew. Always trying to look into people’s eyes to see if I could find some deeper truth, some common ground, a reference that I could recognize, something that would make us feel one in the same truth. But no.
Exiting the matrix
Though I didn’t play this game particularly good, this “failing” turned out to be my wake-up call, as was my soul’s plan, where I started my inner soul journey of awakening, healing, liberation and still ongoing ascension, so every little piece of this crazy life, I appreciate, honor and embrace. It’s perfectly imperfect, and more or less the only way it could be for me to be able to fulfill my roles in my now awakened conscious state, where there’s a lot of work to do to create the new. Many of us didn’t come here just for the experience you know! We came for a particular reason.
And the reason is why you are reading this right now. You are awakening from your dream state. You are awakening to your true essence. You are probably at some point in the transitioning phase, where you are about to realize that you are in fact an infinite being in a finite body, living in a limited 3 dimensional programmed matrix for the purpose of exploration and soul evolution. Until awakening to the grander truth, that you are not only infinite, but a multidimensional being living in a holographic quantum existence, where you are a fractal and expression of Prime Creator, Source. And that makes you a divine creator of your own experience.
The game of 3D life
You might ask, “who set this up?”
We all did. We volunteered. Some of us even took on some pretty challenging roles as wayshowers and forerunners. We knew it wouldn’t be easy, but we did it anyway. Being human is special. It’s an honor. You can’t get much more limited, while still having an intellect and feelings. And the emotions are your key to find the map, in your heart, in your soul blueprint, in your DNA. It’s kept there, safely guarded and protected, to be reactivated now. We got disconnected and now is the time for our 12-strand crystalline DNA to come online again.
The Cosmos functions much like a radio. Humanity has operated and broadcasted from only ONE radio station, one frequency bandwidth, for eons, when there are actually an infinite number of frequencies available. Different frequencies give you different realities, different planets, different galaxies, different universes! It is a matter of doing the inner work to be able to raise your vibration to tune into more than one bandwidth and to activate the full 12 strand DNA to eventually be able to travel through the gates to all dimensional realities.
Become the butterfly
This is an auspicious time in the history of the human being and planet Earth, because what happens here now will have huge ripple effects on the rest of the Multiverse. That is why it is so important that you find your way out of the slumber, to see beyond the veils of amnesia and remember that you agreed to forget, only to return to the purity of who you really are beyond this human experiment. Answer the call. Let your mind step aside for your soul to step forth. It will guide you home, where there are no more stories and games, only full presence and readiness to be all that you in truth are.
Posted on Wisdom from North Magazine Jan 20th 2019
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